Notes from The Underground - Fyodor Dostoevsky
The first time I read it, I was like, “WTF!?”. But, THAT! That is most likely to be the best and the most brilliant FIRST paragraph in all of literary work ever written.
I read the book pretty fast at first, then I presumed it was some kind of dark and dull. So I re-read it again after some page, then finally I get a somewhat epiphany of how great this book really is. As I if I was slapped by his words, I then unconsciously found myself contemplating. You just can’t rush yourself when you read Dostoevsky’s. For most of your time will be spent thinking of his words than reading them.
..for me personally is like having found something you didn’t expect to find at first which you treasure later at the end, which I believe happens in unexpected places and in unexpected events.
Brazilian model Alexandre Cunha was paired with a three-year-old moptop to showcase Smalto’s matching child-sized and adult tuxedos. Unfortunately, while the pressure of performing didn’t faze the buff Brazilian, his partner broke down in tears as they were striding the catwalk:
Once, I was supposed to close a show with a 3-year-old kid and we both had matching outfits. During rehearsal, everything went as planned, but on the day of the show he started crying halfway down the runway, so in my head I thought, “What am I supposed to do?!” I ended up picking him up and I carried him to the end of the runway.
Don’t mind my posting so many German songs. It’s just that I don’t feel like writing any poems, anything these past weeks. And it simply is because of how in love I’ve been with German and its music these past weeks. Let’s just say I have a so-called motivator far-far away in Stuttgart. Wait up, I need to put up my smirky face first.
It seems to me that if one wants to learn a new language, one needs to find one or two personal reasons to make one feels well-motivated. It can be by in love with the nation and the culture itself or anything. Well the most plausible reason is if we in love with its ‘loca people’. Erase the ‘what the F’ phrase. Well that’s just if you catch my drift.
Anyway, für mich persönlich, what makes me well-motivated is by loving its music. If I may tell you, humbly, I used to compete with my friend back in junior high. Both of us collected a bunch of rapper cassettes back then. 50 Cent? Bought all the album. Eminem? Don’t you dare asking! G-Unit? My wallpaper. Who else, you name it. One of the interesting things that we’ve done was writing the lyrics to the songs we listened, writing whatever we could catch as rappers tend to speak unbelievably fast. We would choose one particular song as our ‘homework’, we listened to it at home, then the next day we matched our own lyrics with azlyrics.
Ah, I don’t really know what I had in mind back then having these men as my computer wallpaper. However, lessons learned. At least I knew many slang words, curse words which are not meant to be said, other than that, I realized that 50 cent was a dirty chocolatier or most probably a nasty giant umpa lumpa because he sang Candy Shop and that Cookie Jar is not a song which tells you about cookies that your mom bakes for you as an after school-snacks. Well at least, from then till now I find learning English is a fun thing cause I’ve loved it from years and years. Beside, I know what are the particular reasons that can motivate me, though it changes through times. Just one thing that is still pretty hard for me to overcome. It is : speech. I can make a good speech if I want and be motivated to, since I’ve done it several times. But on the other several-bad-times, I became ‘unstable’ or I may say, unstably-moody as I tend to have the insecurities to speak in public, in front of a large number of people. Sometimes I can overcome it really well, sometimes I can. Oh how irritating.
If I may tell you how motivated I will be because of music, I will give you one simple example. I do love Norway. But not as much as after I listened to their local musician. I have loved this Norwegian band called Team Me ever since they started making music. If there’s a center of learning Norsk here in Indonesia, I will be the first person who join. I have reached the point where I learned Norsk through videos but I know that I will not get anything much from only doing that. I even sent an email to the Norwegian embassy in Jakarta regarding how I really wanted to learn Norsk and asked them to inform anytime there’s a cultural event and I even offered myself to help if there were Norwegians who traveled here to Bandung in particular, just so I could trade language. But there seems never been held any cultural-trade programs between Indonesia and Norway. Well if there’s any of you who know, just let me know and keep me informed :)
long short, the whole subject of this, of why I am now in love with German music, is Philipp Poisel’s songs. Someone said something particularly like this to me months ago when I only heard a couple of his songs, rambling about how I hoped Philipp would sing one or two songs in English, “The point is, that the magic and deep sense of Germany singers only come across if one sings in German because that’s one’s own Mother language. Besides there aren’t many German singers left whose songs are worth listening to. Maybe you can learn German”. As a beginner I do realize that German has so many fascinating and beautiful details and words which you couldn’t easily translate to English. And I wouldn’t easily get that from my text book as I’m still dumb at Deutsch, I haven’t even finished remembering all the colors, the types of clothes, and limbs from head to toe yet, still likely to forget the using of the grammar; akkusativ, nominativ, und so weiter yet. But after all I’m still glad that I can have a listen to his beautiful and poetic songs and appreciate them.
If I may add a message to Philipp : I’m one of those who
don’t know haven’t known you personally, yet I really am grateful that you’re born to be a singer and a poet. Thank you for sharing your talent to the world. Words can’t say how much I appreciate what you did. You are extraordinary. :)
Well well, I thought at first I stated that I didn’t feel like writing. That’s what she said..